


a mess (happy 4 u)

by q_is



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Idols, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Character Study, Hopeful Ending, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan & Mark Lee Are Best Friends, Light Angst, M/M, Mentioned Na Jaemin, Mild Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:41:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27628315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/q_is/pseuds/q_is
Summary: Donghyuck told Mark once, many, many years ago, crushing his dreams and all his hope. "Your soulmate's part of the group, but he's not gonna tell you when he finds out. He'll want you to be able to grow up." One of the older members, Mark thought, before telling Donghyuck to bug off. He couldn't possibly know, and he liked pissing Mark off. It had to be a joke. Had to be.The Lee Taeyong in his wrist said otherwise.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan & Mark Lee, Mark Lee/Lee Taeyong
Comments: 8
Kudos: 121
Collections: Challenge #3 — soulmates





	a mess (happy 4 u)

**Author's Note:**

> title from little mix's a mess (happy 4 u), though the song has nothing to do with the au sdfghjk

_"two souls are sometimes created together_ _and in love before they're even born"_ _\- f. scott fitzgerald_

When Mark thought about his soulmate, it was hard to stop his mind from wandering. Top to bottom, left to right. He didn't know what to think, his brain filling in the gaps with different scenarios each time.

Would they meet at a music show? At a concert in another country? An online fansign? Exchange names and stop, have that small moment of _gotcha. There you are, I was waiting for you._ The name at his wrist crossed over, his heart full and finally complete. 

He knew better than to wish for that. Donghyuck told him once, many, many years ago, crushing his dreams and all his hope. _"Your soulmate's part of the group, but he's not gonna tell you when he finds out. He'll want you to be able to grow up."_ One of the older members, Mark thought, before telling Donghyuck to bug off. He couldn't possibly know, and he liked pissing Mark off. It had to be a joke. Had to be.

The _Lee Taeyong_ in his wrist said otherwise.

Knowing what Donghyuck could see, cultivating a friendship with him, figuring out he wasn't fucking with him, Mark expected it. But expecting was different from knowing. It was terrifying, made his hands shake and his breath got stuck in his throat in a way that left him panting and he almost threw up when the clock turned midnight on his nineteenth birthday and the name burned itself on his skin. It wasn't supposed to be like this. It wasn't supposed to be _him._

Taeyong had almost raised him. Mark was used to looking up to him, following and hanging on to his every word. It felt wrong just thinking about it, a change he didn't know how to make. A change he didn't know how to accept. Going from having a crush to being soulmates was too big of a leap to take.

Not for the first time, did Mark hope, wish, pray for Donghyuck to be wrong.

"Staring at your mark won't make it disappear." Speak of the devil. "Believe me, I've tried."

Mark sighed, raising his eyes to look at him. He had no idea how Donghyuck got into the hotel room Mark was sharing with Jaemin, but he also didn't want to know. Donghyuck scoffed when he saw his face, which Mark took offense to. He knew he looked a mess, Donghyuck didn't have to make fun of him for that.

"I know", he said, if only because he felt like he had to. 

Mark sat up on the bed, making space for Donghyuck to sit beside him and hold his wrist to inspect the name. Letting Donghyuck take his arm felt like exposing all of himself, like stripping naked under his scrutinizing eyes. Mark had nothing to hide since Donghyuck knew it from the very beginning, knew since before Mark himself knew, and no one else would understand better.

"It's not that bad", Donghyuck whispered, as if speaking any louder would make Mark go into hiding. A wounded animal. Sounded fitting. "At least it's hyung."

Mark closed his eyes, knot tying itself in his throat. It wasn't bad. It was awful. Despicable.

"That's the whole problem", he choked out. 

He didn't want to elaborate, and Donghyuck didn't pressure him because he _got it._ Differently, maybe a little bit crooked, but he got it nonetheless. Another sigh left Mark's lips. Donghyuck let go of his wrist to hold his hand.

The whole problem was that it was _Taeyong._

And Mark liked him. He did. Too much, sometimes. It hurt to admit it even to himself, made his heart ache, his arms numb all the way to his fingertips, anxiety settling heavy in his spine. In another circumstance, in another universe, a parallel world that wouldn't bother him as much as it did. 

Taeyong saw him as the child he helped grow. Mark couldn't impose on him like that.

"You have to talk to him", Donghyuck said, instead.

He groaned, falling back into the bed to stare at the ceiling while Donghyuck laughed, patting his leg lightly. Mark's eyes blurred from hitting his head too hard.

"I'm serious, Mark. You can't run from this, he _knows_ why you're ignoring him."

Of course Taeyong knew, he had four years to get used to it. A luxury that Mark wouldn't be able to afford. He would give in, he would crack. But for now, Mark let it pass him by.

"I heard soulmates change", he said, fighting against the torrent for a lifeline that wasn't there, "With enough willpower. Is it true?"

"It is." Donghyuck sighed. If Mark concentrated enough, he could see him rolling his eyes. "But that's not how it works. It happens for, I guess, various reasons but mostly it's about your utmost need. Something you don't even know you want, or don't accept that you want."

It was quiet. Silent. Mark stopped for a second, to assess if he wanted an answer to the question at the tip of his tongue. He took a deep breath. Held it.

"So why didn't his-?"

"Why must it be, Mark?" Donghyuck interrupted him, as if he couldn't believe Mark's dumbassery. "He doesn't want it to change", his voice softened, "He wants you."

The breath left his lips, shaky. Cotton filled his throat. Mark's thoughts were a sudden string of _whatthefuck_ s while he tried to calm his heart, hope's claws wrapping tightly around his neck and squeezing the life out of him.

"It's what I'm holding on to", Donghyuck went on in a whisper, too loud in the quiet room, and Mark knew he wasn't supposed to hear that. 

So he pretended he didn't, though it sobered him up. He could see clearer now than he had in a long time, head free of dark clouds. Mark remembered Jaemin, his lovestruck temporary roommate, blinded by what he thought was the truth and incapable of seeing what was right in front of him. Remembered Donghyuck, cursed into knowing more than he needed to, a side character in his own life. Other people would kill to be where Mark is, have what he could have. 

"I'll talk to him", he said. 

Donghyuck patted his leg, gentle.

"That's good."

Mark only managed to find Taeyong by himself after everyone went to sleep. Not that he was searching a lot before. He had no idea of what he wanted and what he'd say to him, danced around the awkwardness when they were with the other members, and it was easy to forget and let go during the concert. But there was no running away, not with the way Taeyong looked at him like a kicked puppy the whole time. 

There was no way Mark'd let him down. Not intentionally. Not if he could help it.

Truth was he didn't expect to find him there, at that time. After the concert, the members were tired and went straight to bed, but Mark couldn't sleep. He tossed and turned in bed, too restless to let himself fall, for one or two hours before deciding enough was enough and getting up, thinking that he might as well explore the hotel. When Mark found the staircase to the rooftop, he couldn't help himself. 

He wasn't the only one.

Taeyong was leaning against the parapet, eyes closed and hair blowing in the wind. He looked tired and worn out with his face clean of makeup, though he also looked younger, softer. Sharp edges smoothed out, nothing but his raw feelings out in the open for anyone to see. Mark was sure this very scene had already played in his dreams.

He watched him for a few seconds, trying to soothe his pounding heart, figure out what he wanted to say and what he wanted to do, but it was hard. Taeyong's soft smile, his small shivers from the cold. It was mesmerizing and Mark couldn't put his thoughts into words, couldn't code them into something that made sense, even to himself. He barely noticed when Taeyong opened his eyes and turned to look at him.

"Mark?"

It was sudden, his voice cutting the wind's whispers. Mark inhaled so sharply his vision blurred. 

"Hi, hyung", he forced out. 

Taeyong waited for him to step closer. Mark did but he wasn't sure he should, though once he moved he found it hard to stop. Like a magnet. Mark was the ocean, drowning in himself, and Taeyong was the Moon, pushing and pulling him wherever he saw fit. Mark could never refuse it.

"Are you scared?", Taeyong asked when he got close enough to touch. They could, neither would, not right now, keeping each other at arm's length.

Mark nodded, tongue-tied. He was terrified but he wasn't afraid of admitting it. 

"Me too", Taeyong whispered, like sharing a secret, "But I'm here for you. And I'll be here for you. We'll be okay if we stick together, right? In any way is okay. But you have to be here too."

Taeyong smiled at him, haunted eyes kind as he looked into Mark's. It wasn't hard to leave it all behind and trust him, trust the kid that took care of him when they didn't even know each other, the boy that found out Mark was his soulmate and stayed unchanging, the man that carried everything on his own for so long and now was simply asking for Mark's faith.

The _please_ was implicit, but he could hear it loud and clear. Mark stepped closer, not giving himself time to think this through as he got Taeyong's hand in his. He'd go wherever Taeyong wanted him to go. How could he ever believe he could fight this? 

"I'll be here", he said, squeezing Taeyong's hand. Reassurance, though he wasn't sure for whom.

Taeyong's shoulders slouched when he finally relaxed his tense muscles, eyes wide as he looked at Mark but he didn't hesitate to squeeze his hand back and lace their fingers. It was a promise.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading <3


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